I don’t even remember his name. All I know is that for a year and a half all I could think about was wanting to be fucked by another man other than my husband. My husband made love to me, but it always seemed to lack something. Sex with him was often times boring. I wanted to feel the length of a different dick inside my cunt. I wanted another man to lick his hot tongue up my spine and plunge his fingers into my pussy and perhaps if I felt really uninhibited I’d let him fuck my asshole.

Damn! I wanted to try it all. It was almost an obsession at times. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the different men that I would let fuck me. There were men who wanted to tie me up and others who just wanted to cyber-fuck, others wanted to teach me the ways of tantric sex and I wanted to let them all do it.

Where was the respect for myself? I believed in the beauty of sex, the pureness of the connection. I believed that if I was to truly enjoy sex with any other man than I would have to be sure that we had a deep and loving connection. I thought I wouldn’t just fuck any man that came along, but I did.

I used the first man I fucked and several more after that, but they used me too. I guess you could say since we were using each other then it was OK, but something inside of me still says, ‘No, you didn’t respect them or yourself.’ Why can’t our souls agree with our minds, or libidos for that matter?

We met and quickly went to his apartment. I knew better, but I was so uninhibited I actually came on to him. Me, the woman that is usually called a tease because she sends confusing signals that she will let a man fuck her and then backs off at any sign the man is serious.

He didn’t even know how to treat a woman. He took me to his bed, stripped off my clothes and fucked me like a rag doll. Admittedly, I liked the fast pace. It felt good to have him pound into my cunt with vigor. He didn’t spend much time making sure I was wet or ready for him, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to fuck and then fuck some more.

I have to give credit where credit is due; at least he made sure I came. In fact my orgasm was intense. I was surprised since he didn’t even take time to finger my clit. I must have come from the sheer pleasure of letting myself be fucked, for no other reason than I wanted to. Not because we were in love or were soul connected friends, just because that man desired me and I wanted to let him desire me for that moment. Fuck – what a harsh word and yet somehow it filled my aching hole.

The next day I felt awful, guilty and ashamed at my behavior. I promised that I would get hold of myself and not just go around fucking any man that wanted me to. I decided that I needed to respect myself. I needed to respect my belief that sex is beautiful when it is shared between two loving people. Sex is fun, but it should not be abused, I told myself.

The second man that fucked me was a little better than the first, but it was only two days later. I met Seth; yes I remembered his name this time, at a bookstore. I was looking at the porn mags, picking up some research material for where I could send my stories. OK, so I was also looking for some masturbation material. He walked right up behind me and whispered in my ear, "COME here often?"

My pussy lit up immediately. I didn’t care what he looked like or whether he was too old for me or too young. I just wanted him to talk dirty to me in a dark alley. "Yes," I turned and found a glimmer of a connection to my soul in his eyes.

"Where’s your car?" I heard myself ask. What had gotten into me? Again, I let all of my values fly out the window, as I let him take my hand, pay for my magazines and lead me to his car.

Seth was hot. I lucked out that he was also dark haired and dark eyed, just how I like my naughty men. We drove to a nearby park and he fucked me in the back of his jeep. So the setting wasn’t all that great, but oh shit could he eat me. His tongue was like a magic wand in my wet folds. By the time he was done with his meal I had come more times than I ever had before. When the actual fucking began I was so slick his cock kept slipping out. Fuck – what a harsh word and yet it filled the hollow inside.

The next day I wondered how I could let my guard down once again. There was no magical connection between Seth and I. Sure the fucking was hot, but I still felt alone now that he was gone.

Although, it didn’t take long until I couldn’t wait to find the next man that I would fuck. He was on the Internet. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, that can’t be all that bad. It’s not a real in person encounter, so what harm can be done. Oh, but it is real and I cyber-fucked someone that is married and I’d known for a while. We cyber-fucked often and we cyber-fucked good.

Just words I told myself, as he typed in "I’m sinking my dick into your cunt." Just words I thought as he continued, "I wish we could do this in person."

I don’t REALLY want to do these things to this man, as I typed my response,

"If we were together for real, I’d be nibbling on your ear and whispering pussy into it." My feelings are not involved and my soul won’t be hurt I continued to delude myself as I fell in love with a man almost twice my age. He turned me on so much. Fuck – what a harsh word and yet it speaks so much truth.

That relationship ended the very next day when I came to my senses and realized I can’t love a man that much older than me. Or can I? I guess the relationship really ended because I wanted so much more.

I started to lose count of how many men I fucked or I let fuck me. Each one fucked me in a new way. But in the end each one didn’t make love to me and that is what I really wanted. After each fuck the result was the same; I felt empty inside and their fucking only filled me for that moment in time.

After being fucked in more ways than a person can imagine, I let a friend fuck me, but he didn’t really fuck me. He had sex with me. He was a dear, kind and loving friend that I always had a deep emotional connection with. His way of thinking was similar to mine. That surely you can go around fucking lots of people and enjoy the beauty of sex without worrying about disrespecting yourself and others.

We had sex because we loved each other as friends and we still do. He took care of my every need. He kissed me passionately with his luscious lips. His mouth explored every part and crevice on my body. I felt beautiful in his sight and he was glorious in mine. I touched his cock with loving care. He asked if we would still be friends after we came. I answered with sincerity that our friendship would always be true. Fuck – what a harsh word and yet when uttered by the mouth of a friend it tickles inside.

I’m still friends with that man because we respected each other. He taught me about love and the beauty of a sexual and spiritual connection. I will never forget that. His love filled me, but it didn’t leave me empty the next day.

David fucked me yesterday, but before he fucked me he made love to me. He made the sweetest, most tender love to me that I’ve ever had. I met David in one of my college classes. One look at him from across the room and I knew he was the one for me.

After the first day of class was over he walked up to me, gazed his dark chocolate brown eyes into mine and asked when he could take me out. My stomach fluttered. I stammered out what I think was an intelligent response. Something like, "Yes, tonight, pick me up at 6:00," as I wrote my phone number and address on a piece of paper.

He didn’t make love to me that night or any of the next nights we were together for a few months. He listened to me and I listened to him. We understood each other. He kissed me when the time was right.

When the night finally came for him to love my body, he did it like no other man has. He took it slow at first, kissing my aching lips and then running his tongue down my neck. Making sure I was comfortable at all times, he made sure my needs were taken care of. A selfless man, he never asked me to do anything for him until he was sure I wanted to. I gloried in our connection. He made me feel special, unique.

When we came, we came together. The energy of our love and devotion for one another healed our souls of any past pain and we became part of the universe and its power. Our mutual respect for each other and the divine energies in this world brought us together in a loving embrace of sexuality. Fuck – what a harsh word and yet when done with your one and only it’s like making love.

When David fucked me yesterday he burst through the door of my apartment and threw me on my bed. He stripped my clothes off and kissed and nibbled my whole body with such anxiousness I wondered what sex demon had gotten a hold of him. As he slammed his dick into my cunt he said, "You are so fucking hot! I missed you today."

Damn! I was in love! His passion for me was evident when he couldn’t hold back his moans. I screamed, "Fuck me! Oh yes! Fuck!" Our orgasms rocked the universe as our sweat mixed together. Fuck – what a harsh word and yet such a fucking beautiful word too.