The cool leather of the loveseat he collapsed into quickly warmed to his skin. He had just finished working out on the heavy bag, and the weight of fatigue in his arms prevented him from even swiping away droplets of sweat trapped in his brow. Hands were still heavily taped and folded across where there was once much more belly than he now possessed. Grayson smiled with satisfaction knowing that efforts to reclaim the power of his youth showed progress. His smile widened when his thoughts drifted to who else liked his strength and, in particular, her addiction to how he put it to use. 

“Dog, you’re going to bring down the house one of these days,” said Hawk, his best friend, who had just finished his workout on the treadmill, flopping onto the other leather loveseat. His real name was Barry, but the nickname “Hawk” had been with him since high school. Grayson, known as Maddog, usually just wound up as “Dog” when these two talked. 

Grayson stared straight ahead, not really paying attention. “What?”  

“You’re beating the shit out of that bag, man. The rafters are shaking. Who’re you so pissed off at?” 

“Hmmm,” he reflected, pausing for a thoughtful moment, “myself, I suppose.” 

Hawk laughed. “So you’re kicking your own ass. That’s cool, Dog. Whatever turns your crank.” 

“Nah! I’ve just let myself go. It pisses me off to think how long I’ve neglected me. So many things that used to be so important just got lost – my respect for myself, my respect for body, all of that kind of stuff. There’s just too damn much I’ve been missing for too damn long.” 

“I hear ya, Gray. Your divorce probably saved your life. Don’t ya think?” 

Grayson turned his head to look at his friend. “You know, Hawk. I’ve never really thought about it that way, but you may have a point worth ponderin’.” 

And ponder he did. Twenty-two years of marriage – ten of it happily and not all ten of those years happened in a row. In reality, it probably never should have been a marriage, but history could not be undone. When the kids were born, it became even more of a marriage. The added responsibility of having kids did help him endure the rest of it. They were the ones responsible for many of the best years of his married life; yet in some ways, who he was as a person got lost along the way. In some ways, his commitment to the kids turned him into a hostage for many years. Motivation to keep the things about himself that were important just fell out of focus. But things were different now. He was back in charge of himself though the road back proved to be hard and long. He rediscovered some things about himself long ago forgotten, and he discovered some new things he’d overlooked along the way. 

Hawk just shook his head. “You ponder your ass off, my man! You know I’m right. I mean, for starters, think about all the pussy you can have now.” Hawk leaned forward to embellish his point, making a wide sweeping motion with both arms like his version of the world was wall-to-wall nookie. 

Gray grinned at him. “I hear ya, man, but it’s not just about pussy.” 

“Fuck if it ain’t!” howled Hawk. “You been beatin’ that freakin’ bag with your head? It’s not about pussy, my ass! It’s always about pussy. You ain’t goin’ gay on me are ya?” 

Grayson straightened, the muscles flexing in his arms menacingly as he fired back.  “Hey, back up one, dude. I’m tired, but there’s still enough left in these arms to draw some blood out of your dumb ass. Going gay. Shit, man. I know you know that ain’t even happenin’.” 

Hawk motioned to his friend to relax. “Hey, easy big fella. I’m tired too, but there’s enough left in these legs to outrun those big ol’ arms so ain’t neither of us gettin’ any satisfaction out of this exchange.” Hawk grinned and sat back to laugh at his friend. 

“Yeah you’re right. It’s not worth running you down just to punch that empty head of yours a few times.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Grayson unwrapped his hands and wrists, flexing his fingers, spreading them wide and wiggling them to ease the cramped sensation. The muscles in his forearms rippled as his fingers moved. It had been a long time since he’d seen that in his arms. Even his upper arms were showing good definition. It pleased him to see evidence of his reclamation. Progress made him feel good about himself. Seeing and feeling new strength was very gratifying. There was a new sense of power coursing through him that made him feel alive. It made him feel sexy. It wasn’t a power that enabled him to take what he wanted; rather it was a power than enabled him to take what was given – and to take it in a powerful way. Working hard generated the ability to be powerful, but only the right woman could act as the catalyst to unleash it.

After a few more minutes Hawk broke the silence.  

“Hey, Gray?” 

“Yeah?” 

“How long had it been for you?” 

Gray looked up at Hawk. “How long had what been?”

“You know, when you were still married, since you had any pussy.” 

“Jesus,” Gray mumbled thoughtfully, and then paused. “Years I guess. Wasn’t really countin’. Just kinda forgot about it.” 

Hawk whistled. “Wow! How do you forget about pussy? How do you forget about how good it feels to have a woman’s legs all wrapped around you and your cock buried to the hilt in her sweet stuff?” 

Gray sunk deeper into the leather and looked toward the ceiling. “Man, I don’t think you ever really forget. But when it’s not part of your life it just loses importance.”

“Geez! I don’t think I could ever consider that as not important.”  

“You could if you had to, bud. It’s all about choices.”

They fell silent again; each thinking his own thoughts. It really was about choices. It was always about choices. Choices he made were partially to blame for being divorced. Years of enduring mental and emotional neglect drove him to the choice of falling into the arms of another woman. He fell hard, and he fell deep. She changed his life. She awakened a part of him that had been neglected and for the most part forgotten. Lovemaking became something to get lost in rather than an event with a single destination. Lovemaking became a continuing act of discovery, and the more he gave the more he received in return. So many years wasted wanting to fuck when in reality nothing compared to becoming Fuck. She taught him how. She taught him to choose. Actually, when she spread those long legs he made his own choice – to satisfy her first because what returned to him was ten-fold the better. 

When he was caught, he chose to tell the truth, and it cost him everything. But that cost represented the small price of freedom from everything wrong in his life. The love of his children suffered, but it survived, becoming stronger and with more respect for him than ever before. Yeah, always about choices – hard, selfless choices.  

“Hey, Gray?” 

“Yeah, Hawk?” 

“What did you miss most?” 

“Miss most about what?”

“Pussy. You know. Fucking.” 

Grayson turned his head and looked at his friend. His eyes reflected deep thought for a few seconds before he spoke. “Getting to it.” 

Hawk cackled and rocked forward, standing and thrusting his hips into an imaginary woman bent over anything convenient.  “Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout. Gettin’ right down to it.”

“No…no, you idiot! That’s not what I mean. I’m talking about everything leading up to that moment when you disappear completely inside. I’m talking about all the incredible things like the sense of anticipation and all those wonderful things you feel and see and hear and taste before you get right down to it.” 

“Yeah, like what?” challenged Hawk, demonstrating his ignorance of ever experiencing anything besides the bump-and-grind as being the only legitimate part of fucking. 

Grayson slouched back into the warm leather again and propped his legs up on the heavy slate coffee table. His eyes closed as he slipped into a private inventory of thoughts of all the things that were important to him when it came to being party to incredible sex.

A dreamy smile creased his face. “Like breathing her in.”   

“What?”

“Breathing her in,” he repeated. 

“You mean like smelling her?” 

“Yeah, that – and more. It’s more than just sniffing her like a dog in heat.”

Hawk grunted.

Grayson managed to interlock his fingers behind his head and stretched into a memory. “It’s breathing in her heat. Like the instant just before you kiss her. Stop and feel her heat – breathe in her breath. Feel the heat from the fire that’s burning inside of her. Feel her excitement and anticipation when she exhales into you. When you do that, man,” Grayson exhaled, blowing out through pursed lips, “you’re already fucking.” 

“Hmmm,” said Hawk, trying his best to sound thoughtful. 

“Move all over her body and breathe her in. Breathe in through your nose and your mouth. It creates a cool sensation on her skin when you inhale deeply like that. Keep your lips close, just barely touching her. Do it along her neck right below her ears. Let her hear you sucking in her scent. Move slowly so she can feel it at the same time she hears it. Don’t lick her or kiss her yet. Just breathe in the heat that's coming off her body. You know, it's different all over her body. And then when you exhale, give some heat back; let her feel your heat. She’ll start thinking how that hot breath is going to feel when you start to..." 

“Yeah, I can dig it,” interrupted Hawk. “I know what I’d be breathin’ in.” 

“Yeah, yeah, a couple of sniffs and a lick or two, and you’re driving her ass around the bed like a cheap foreign car. Listen to me, man. I’m telling you something that just might change your love life forever.” 

Hawk shot him an indignant look. “Hey, in case you didn’t know it, my love life is just fine. I fuck whenever I want.”

Gray nodded slowly. “Yup, I’m sure you do. But let me ask you something, Hawk. How long has it been since a woman has gone nuts on you and fucked you back long enough for her to get off like a rocket?”

“Okay. Okay, master-of-love-who-hasn’t-gotten-laid-in-forever,” chided Hawk. 

Gray pointed a threatening finger in Hawk’s direction. “Don’t make me kick your ass."

Grayson folded his arms across his chest and slipped back into his thoughts. He inhaled deeply with his eyes closed and remembered. 

“Have her lie face down. Straddle her on all fours and start with her hair. God, I can get lost right there. Be sure to breathe her in close to her ears again so she can hear and feel your breath; maybe even hold her by the wrists, stretching her arms above her head. You’re sending a message telling her you’re going to take her by holding her like that. Breathe deeply, let your lips brush her skin, my friend, and she’s yours to take. 

“Then what?” Hawk appeared to finally be listening. 

"Pull her hair away from the base of her neck. Get right down in those soft little hairs just below her hairline and suck in the sex that lives right there. Take your time and do that all the way down her back. Stay in that trough along her spine, and let your lips and the tip of your nose graze those fine little baby-hairs all the way down. Take in every inch of her back. Her heat changes all the way down until you get into that hollow in the small of her back."  

“Damn, man! That sounds like a lot of work,” complained Hawk. 

“Jesus! It’s a fucking investment, you putz,” admonished Grayson. 

“I don’t know, man. I could’ve come by now if we’d’ve just gotten down to it.” 

Grayson covered his face with both hands in disbelief. “And that’s exactly my point, dipshit. You’d be done by now and where would she be? Sittin’ there while you’re tellin’ her, ‘Oh, sorry, baby. Too bad you missed the fucking bus again. Ya should’a been there. It was awesome.’

Me? Hell, at this point I’d still be hard as stone, and she’d be gettin’ crazier by the second. Plus the most excellent part of fucking is still in front of you.

And where are you? You’re sittin’ there with a limp dick waiting to reload and dealing with a pissed off woman because you choose to take care of you instead of investing some time to pleasure her."

Hawk waved him off. "Aww c'mon, man. It ain’t that bad."

“You’re exactly right. It’s not bad for you, Hawk. You popped your weasel while she was just getting’ started. You’re the one who missed the bus, bud. You missed the whole goddam train, son! You missed the sensation of her coming on your cock. Nothin’ beats that, man. Nothin’.”

Hawk bristled, still defending his approach. “Right. What I’m gettin’ is just fine, thank you very much. All you’re talkin’ ‘bout is sniffin’ and smellin’ and teasin’ and shit.”

"Look, Hawk, you wanted to know what I missed most. I’m tellin’ you. If you think it’s all about ripping through a flash fuck and popping my load you’re wrong. Listen and learn, man.” 

Hawk folded his arms and shook his head. “You’re weird, dude. What guy doesn’t love gettin’ off?”  

“You’re still missing it, man. Sure I love to get off, but think about how much more incredible it would be if she’s screamin’ crazy out of her mind when it happens. I mean have you ever just laid still and felt her come on your cock?"

Hawk unleashed an incredulous hoot. “Lay still? Are you nuts?”

“Seriously, do your bump and grind thing and when she starts to come drive into her as deeply as you can and just stay there. Don’t move. Just push. Feel what her body does inside when she comes.”

“So she comes, man. So what?”

“So what? God, Hawk. Do you like a good blow job or not?”

“What? Well, hell yeah I do,” sputtered Hawk.

“Why?” challenged Grayson.

“Because it feels awesome on my dick,” countered Hawk.

“Bingo! Next time she starts to come, drive deep and stay there, pushing and not moving. Her pussy will start contracting and squeezing your cock. It’s like the deepest blow job you can get.”

“Jayzus,” muttered Hawk, dropping back into his seat to contemplate what his friend just described.

“Okay, Gray, I’m listening. What else did you miss?” 

“I’m being serious. Try some of this stuff, man. Fuck will be forever changed for you.” 

Hawk let a fourth grade giggle slip out. “Alright, I’m in. But tell me this. I hear what you’re saying about breathing her in and all that stay deep and shit, but that can’t be what you missed most of all. C’mon, Gray, what did you miss most?” 

“You’re not going to believe this.” 

“Try me. After what I’ve heard so far, I’m apt to believe any damn thing. What’re you goin’ to do now, something with your ears?” Hawk let out a smart-ass guffaw at his attempt at humor. 

“Do you want to hear it or not?” 

“C’mon, Dog. I’m sorry. Tell me.”  

“It’s not my ears, Okay? It’s my eyes.” 

Hawk sounded like a can of soda opening and just shook his head. 

“I’m serious, Hawk. I think what I missed most of all was the sight of a woman spreading her legs for me. I mean seriously, think about everything that has to be going on in her head for that to happen. Think about it. As a man we can keep our legs together and still have incredible sex. It’s not altogether like that for a woman. She not just spreading her legs, she’s making an incredible statement by doing that. She’s gotten to the point in her arousal where she's making a nonverbal statement of want. She’s giving the most amazing part of herself in that act of spreading her legs. She’s opening herself to you. She’s exposing herself in the most vulnerable way for you – giving permission. She’s saying she wants you to look, to touch, to lick, to suck, and she wants your cock inside of her. Don’t you see how fucking incredible that is?” 

Hawk didn’t say a word. Grayson stopped talking and looked at him thinking that for the first time, just maybe, Hawk was getting it. He knew that before her, he had never considered it – never – until a patient woman showed him what a little patience and investment would bring back to him. Nothing would ever make him forget the images of her spreading those long legs and beckoning to him, fingertips tracing where she needed him most.

Those were subtle things that were not automatically part of a man’s psyche. They had been there all along right under his nose. He’d missed so many of the little mental things that so easily get lost in the strength and rush of lust that distracts from the finer subtleties of fucking. She taught him that fucking was not a race to the same destination. As cliché as it sounded, it was very much a journey – one that should be thoroughly enjoyed – together.  

Grayson continued, noting that Hawk was still listening. “It’s part of the communication of Fuck. It’s those nonverbals that encourage – that arouse – that give permission – that express a want. It’s all those things about fucking that are all packed into such simple things. Jesus, Hawk, think about kissing down those thighs as she spreads her legs for you.” 

“Hey, Gray?” Hawk interrupted. 

“What?” snapped Grayson impatiently. 

“Are we talking panties on or panties off here?” 

“Jesus! Who the fuck cares? Leave ‘em on for a little while. Think about the mental aspects of what’s happening here, moron. Get into her head for a few seconds. She’s just spread her legs for you. She hasn’t jammed her pussy in your face, but that may be what she secretly wants, so enjoy the journey to that place. Breathe in her heat and her scent. Kiss and lick along those incredible thighs. Take the time to enjoy the taste of her skin. Spend some time in those tender little hollows in her crotch on either side of her pussy. Breathe her in. She’s so hot there, and the smell of her sex is so strong. God, don't miss those details. Don’t let that go unnoticed. You with me so far?"

Hawk was listening intently and nodded his head.

"Okay, good. She's spread her legs for you, and her panties are still on. That little bit of clothing is between you and what she’s offering. Got it? She’s exposed and vulnerable and completely defenseless to protect her pussy from whatever it is you choose to do to it. Think about what that means in her head. She knows her panties are still on, and she knows what she wants. Make her a little crazy for it. Do it right, and she’ll get so crazy with desire that she’ll want you to just rip those panties off and take it from her. Show some patience, make an investment, and watch what happens to her.” 

Hawk never moved. Grayson knew he was listening. 

"Look up at her eyes. See if she’s watching you. If she is, focus on what she's just showed you. Let her watch you looking at her pussy as you breathe her in and as you brush your lips through those sweet hollows. Look up at her and tell her how happy you are to be between her legs. Tell her how awesome she smells and how badly you want to taste her. She's just given you something to cherish. Make her feel like she’s giving you the ultimate permission. 

Hawk whispered dreamily, “Yeah…” 

Brush your lips over her panties. Open your mouth wide and drag your teeth over her as you close down slowly. Tease her lightly through her panties with the tip of your tongue. Trace some slow circles around her clit. Go slow, man. Move your lips back and forth across her panties and see if her hips don’t roll up for you. God, I love to feel her pushing and twisting toward my mouth. Chew on that sweet pussy right through those panties. Take a mouthful of her, panties and all, and suck her hard into your mouth, bite down a little bit and then shake your head from side-to-side. What can be better than that, Hawk? Name one thing better than that?” 

“Uhhh, fucking?” 

“You’re hopeless, Hawk. You are absolutely, fucking hopeless.” 

“And your first clue was…” 

Grayson just shook his head. What was the point? Some guys just don’t get it. Some never will. Hawk was one of those who’d spend the rest of his life flash fucking and getting himself off thinking his woman was satisfied just because he popped his nut. Sadly there are women out there who are willing to settle for that kind of treatment. But he was a friend; a good friend, even with all his imperfections. Maybe someday he would be lucky enough to find that special woman would break through and teach him how to make the investment in the finer art of fucking.  

Hey, Gray?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m glad you’re back, man.” 

“Yeah, me too, Hawk.”